


Out of Love

by yourthyla



Category: Re-Animator (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Middle age Dan and Herbert, No Smut, Post-Canon, Toxic Relationship, but I can do if you really want, just say a word I need to write some smut this is too sad, married Dan but separated, miserable Dan, post beyond re-animator, though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 14:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourthyla/pseuds/yourthyla
Summary: After the events of Beyond Re-animator, in a dark, rainy night, Herbert sets off right to his old friend, Dan. Nostalgic feelings ensue, Dan faces another bad decision by helping an escaped prisoner. Herbert wants Dan to run with him. Both come to terms of what it means to love somebody.





	Out of Love

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything for like months and this is my first work in my new love Re-Animator verse so be gentle readers, I know I'm bit out of practice and this is bit crap in reality (plus no beta reader) but I really wanted to contribute and I am SO glad I finished something for once?! I have tons of unfinished material.. And also, I never meant for this to be angsty. But I also didn't want it to be totally boring. And though plain fluff can be nice, I can never avoid a little dramatic twist...so I am so sorry for the angst. Forgive me. Hope you enjoy the story though!

 

Daniel groaned, being torn away from a poor-quality dream by a thump. He shifted his gaze lazily at the beer bottle rolling away on the floor. The cat’s undivided attention was focused on its prey, reaching its paw cautiously towards the bottle before changing its mind and hopping at the other side of it, limping. The owner’s lip corner twitched. “Thanks, Bean.” His sarcastic comment went unnoticed by the little predator so he lifted his heavy feeling body off the armchair to drag himself to the dark kitchen, accompanied only by flickering TV light and burning-out candle.

He squinted towards the clock after switching a single kitchen light on. 5:03 a.m. Glancing at the window he was met by a pitch dark. The slow ticking of the clock was escorted by a light but full humming; it was raining, he realized. Gentle but continuous rain. Warm and persistent. Dan yawned. On his empty stomach’s demand he fumbled through the cupboards, unsatisfied at their content. Eventually he returned to the dim living room with a buttered toast.

As all the fatigue and desire to sleep left him altogether, Daniel reached for the remote control upon sitting back down. Biting into the bread, he squinted again at the screen, reading: _Breaking news: LIVE_. It was always breaking news live, he thought, unmuting the channel. “…chaos in the Arkham Asylum. Twenty-three casualties were reported so far, seventeen fatal. More are coming each passing hour. The special SWAT teams-…” Dan skipped the channel, biting another piece off. Not in the mood, he told himself. Five seconds into a music video at the other channel, Dan’s heart skipped a beat. _Arkahm Asylum_. _Dead people, LIVE broadcast. Arkham._ He abruptly seized the TV remote to skip back to the news. “The armed forces are dealing with uncontrollable residents who overthrown rule of the institute. They are dealing with animated _mutilated_ bodies-“ at this point the reporter’s voice melted into the hum of the rain. It was gradually replaced by a ringing in Daniel Cain’s ears and a loud throbs of his heart. It felt exactly as if a scalpel slowly cut across his chest and all of the repressed matter slowly poured out of Cain’s body. It all started coming back to him. Memories, feelings, thoughts, sensations. Everything he worked so hard to ignore was now set free. This was very bad, he knew. All of it was set free. He knew. _He was_ _free._

The man, then just a young man, who spent far too many nights slouching above that table in the basement. The student whose curiosity got the better of him. A friend, Dan’s dear friend who gave him meaning on the rainy days and who deserved better on the sunny ones. The object of desire which was never acknowledged as the very central one until he was gone. A scientist who made one experiment too many. And Dan was the one who helped nurture it all, who was too blinded by infatuation to put a stop to it and when he did, it was by a knife in his friend’s back.

Daniel knew he was shaking by the time all the days played in front of his eyes. First times he knew Herbert’s skin was soft and his grasp was far from steady and that the lips tasted far from bitter. Many, countless times Herbert crushed his heart, wishfully literally, at least he wouldn’t have to face the consequences. When Dan was done hurting, he was devoured by endless guilt by hurting Herbert, if such thing was even possible. Either way, they probably both ended up empty. Numb.

The raining was subsiding and the darkness was slowly paling when the knock on the door sounded. Dan was pretty sure he has not moved one bit since he heard the news. When the knocking repeated, more eagerly, the resident stood up slowly, knowing. Or fearing. Hoping? Probably all of it.

Sweatpants on, sweated t-shirt and three-day stubble, he made his way to the main door towards the third series of knocks. Nothing, even knowing exactly what to expect, could prepare him for seeing the visitor behind the door. A breath was stuck in Dan’s throat.

Muddy shoes, wet black pants and a wet shirt with what must have been old blood tucked messily in them. A black case with trouble inside, held in his hand. One sorry tie hanging around his neck. Wet hair in flat strands. Soaked, familiar but over a decade older face mirrored Dan’s vulnerable gaze. He had new glasses, Daniel noted pitifully. God, he could hardly recognize him if he didn’t know better. And due so many possible ways to behave and things to speak, he remained motionless and speechless. He never thought about this happening, he never could. But now he was facing it and what does he do? Does he forgive him or does he apologize? Does he hug him or kill him? Does he treat him like…a stranger? Friend or escaped criminal? At last, Herbert was the first one to talk, he had to.

“Hello, Dan.” No strangers, then. Oddly, it seemed easier to Herbert to address an old acquaintance than a stranger, perhaps he needed it. Maybe even Herbert West needed a friend after 13 years in prison and after being on his feet all night. At least since Herbert was not the type of man to seek revenge.

“Herbert.” He breathed, looking at the shape in his doorstep which barely resembled young Herbert West. “What do you need?” He tried hiding the quivering in his voice but went straight to the point. No _what are you doing here,_ no _why me._ Admittedly, he was about to hide an escaped prisoner, there was no debate about it. And he’d make the same mistake again and again, he knew Herbert wins to his better judgement.

“A shelter. Some first aid and breakfast, ideally.” He replied and Dan did his best not to smile now. This was perhaps the most bizarre situation he’s been in and he’s been through a lot of them.

\--

Herbert now occupied the armchair, patched up and bandaged, with _Bean_ curiously circling him from safe proximity. The visitor emotionlessly watched scenes in the news despite they seemed even more horrifying now seeing it from distance. Curiously, he never had the chance to stop in the event himself and look at the horror surrounding him. It hadn’t seemed to matter. Still didn’t, really.

That was until Dan shut the television off, bringing two mugs of instant coffee and some biscuits. He positioned himself in Herbert’s viewpoint to get his attention. Whatever person Herbert was and whatever he’d experienced, this was a delicate situation. Dan was one of few people ever who knew there were small but real pieces in Herbert consumed by trauma, guilt and fear. His face was stoic but it probably only just started falling upon him, the weight of the whole event. At least that’s what Dan liked to think in secret, that he could be an aid and for once pick his pitiful pieces and be there for someone who really needed him.

Herbert took one of the mugs, finally allowing himself to breathe in and out in peace, for the first time in…a long time. They both took the liberty to just sit silently in each other’s company for several minutes. All things aside, beating hearts, fuzzy minds and really bad trouble floating above their heads like a dark cloud, they felt somewhat, comfortable. Safe.

The tabby cat, meanwhile, found interest in the scientist’s case beside the armchair, desperately wanting to get in. That immediately alerted the knowing Cain. “ _Bean!_ ” He got up to bring the pet away but it took the cue, running into the kitchen. “You’re making yourself a favor, trust me.” He added, knowing Herbert must think of him as a total fool, talking to a cat like that. So he went back to his seat, eying Herbert who leaned back in his one. “My daughter named him.” Was Dan’s answer to the unspoken question. “I’m married, you know.” He added.

“Of course you are.” Herbert replied in that Herbert-typical tone.

“Separated, in fact. She took kids, I took cat. It’s a, compromise, you know the court’s justice. I-uh.” He realized his mistake. Herbert leaned forward, leaning his elbows on the knees.

“Yes, I do. That is what they do, is it not? Fair compromises for everyone involved. Children to the wife, cat for the husband. Decade for the rapist, lifetime for the thief.” Cain knew where this was leading. “Prison for the scientist. Freedom for his associate.”

“Herbert, _look_ -“

“I am looking. You are just as naïve as you’ve always been. Nothing was left of you when I was gone. All your potential, crushed. It’s sad, really.”

Silence.

“So..how bad is it this time?” Dan asked.

“Bad.”

“So what’s your idea? On the run in your late forties? Testing fate one more time with..with” Dan promptly reached for the doctor’s case and opened it to find nothing else than an old familiar shining re-agent. “I don’t know how you got your hands on this shit again but the only one who’s still _naïve-“_

Herbert reached and clutched Dan’s wrist tightly, both holding the syringe. Cain’s stomach made a twist at the sensation and he almost felt light-headed with the wave of nostalgia. “Don’t you understand? Our journey was not one that would end!” Daniel stood up, releasing himself from the grasp with the syringe. Alarmed Herbert followed him up, distressed for the safety of his late experiment. “Nano-Plasmic Energy, Dan, I am no longer at the desperate beginning, you will hear them talking about what happened at the institute, I have made a progress!”

“STOP THIS!” Cain shouted, wanting to smash the substance in his hand a million times but also not being able to, he would go against all that he is and that Herbert nourished in him. He hated it and it was toxic and it was back but how could he ever go against it when it had, ironically, been the only thing that’s ever made him feel alive?

“If-if you ever cared a least bit about me” he gesticulated with the syringe in his hand as Herbert’s eyes followed it cautiously “if you considered me a real associate and not just an amateur who could pass you limbs and tools when you needed or provide emotional support. If you thought of me as a friend at _least!_ You’d know how toxic this was, how much it ruined me, why I _needed_ to end it and to get away from you!”

“You were afraid.” Herbert suggested calmly.

“Of course I was! You became a monster yourself. I don’t even want to know what you’ve been doing all these years, I can only imagine the institute took the last shred of humanity you had left – oh, oh, it’s my fault.” He slowly slumped back down to the chair below him, re-agent protected in his grasp close to his body like a precious item. He held on to it like the last thing reminding him of the good old Herbert West. He would not go back to the toxic days, but yet holding to this memory, it was… such a happy one. He had missed Herbert, painfully. But he was so afraid.

The man in question cautiously approached the seat, kneeling down in front of his old friend. He seemed to think for a moment and then somewhat shakily reached for Cain’s slightly aged hand, putting his own at the top of it. “What if I told you we start again? Discreetly. We _actually_ get rid of failed specimens, we find convenient and safe place to carry on, you and I-“

“Are you seriously expecting me to leave everything behind and run off with you like a teenager and get myself arrested or killed? Are you out of your mind? Why am I even questioning this, of course you are, you shouldn’t be walking free, you maniac.” He should not question it at the first place, indeed, Dan hated himself for even considering it! Herbert chuckled.

“Leave what? You are unhappy. Don’t lie to yourself, it is not too late. Do you not miss doing something of a meaning, Daniel? We will not fail again. Not this time. We start anew.” He said with a childish determination. Dan’s upper body sank. Herbert was a madman, there’s no doubt about it, but he might also be right that Dan would be willing to trade it any day for the numbness of his present life. He blocked the thoughts of his (ex?)wife and two children. He failed as a husband and father, he had nothing to leave behind. At least that’s what it felt like right now. Herbert was tempting. Such extremely wicked temptation. Dan leaned his forehead against Herbert’s. The moment felt like eternity, everything was suddenly right and everything was possible. In the absence of all thought and conscience, their noses brushed. The experimental scientist might know what he was doing, might be even a good manipulator but none of it mattered as soon even their lips brushed. And then it was like magnets pulled together by an unstoppable force, they clashed together and Dan felt like he could finally breathe after 13 years.

Herbert had always been a terrible kisser. He’d started doing better while they had been lovers but it was not surprising Herbert probably didn’t have much action going on in prison, at least not in this manner of speaking. Herbert wasn’t even ever popular, again unsurprisingly, and Dan would guess he was not interested even if he had offers because he simply always had better things to do. But what does he know? Not quite this grown man in front of him, he knew the core of his but not the cover formed by recent experiences. Which was, in fact, exciting. It did make him feel younger, all of this. It was all so new but old, unexpected and still obvious. Of course, he thought, how could they ever stop feeling this way about each other? Dan was not one to believe love was temporary. The more reason to shut his eyes tight and grasp his former love at the back of his neck and dive deeper into the sloppy kiss.

They breathlessly held at each other wherever they could reach and in vague awareness it struck Dan as Herbert removed the fragile re-agent from between them and blindly put it back in the bag at the floor. Surprising was that not only the scientist continued to kiss the man when he took possession of his syringe but he also seized the act by lifting his body and leaning over Dan while propping himself on one of his knee between Dan’s knees. Ever the dominant Herbert.

By the time Dan was utterly lost in the moment, craving more, and he untucked Herbert’s bloody shirt from his trousers to get a single feel of the skin, the experimenter stole a glance of the window across just to find out the darkness evaporated together with the rain and started changing into a pale, wet morning. With the last lustful brush of their tongues, Herbert distanced just for Dan to desperately reach for him again. But he climbed off altogether, straightening his clothes and lifting his bag up on the coffee table. “We need to leave, make your decision immediately.” He said sternly as if he didn’t just nearly have sex with a man he hadn’t seen for over a decade. Now the cruel reality came back into light and there were police units and armed forces ready to shoot at sight of Herbert West.

When Daniel provided him with no answer, Herbert proceeded “Get dressed and pack lightly, I will see for useful tools. Four minutes.”

“Make it ten, have a shower.” Dan added. Herbert only agreed knowing he stunk of sweat and blood, which was suspicious.

\--

Daniel yawned under the sunrise, comforted by feeling the peeking warm sun rays caress the goosebumps of his arms. The train station was abandoned, cool. Herbert West stood in front of the timetable, checking with the clock above. Seventeen minutes, he announced and sat down at a freezing metal bench. “I’ll get us tickets.” Dan said, disappearing in the empty hall of the station. There was the ringing in this head again and he tried resisting realizing the situation. He felt great need to place himself firmly down to earth and tell himself what’s happening. But he just wanted a little bit more. Just a bit more of the illusion, of the toxic addiction. If he could just shut thinking for sixteen more minutes and just _feel,_ there may not be a way back. Perhaps he can forget and feel happy. Be with Herbert. Do the only thing that ever mattered and was meant to be.

With the purchase in his pocket, he joined the man on the bench.  Herbert was wearing Dan’s shirt and a pullover. There were two jackets beside him. It was actually getting quite warm. Dan sat with his heart racing, split right in the middle; brooding. What was he doing? He glanced at his companion who stared ahead, perhaps even content. Dan’s foot started rapidly tapping against the flat ground. He was not sure whether Herbert was panicking inside or he truly was relaxed. Does he really believe he’ll be free and safe? Does Dan make him feel safe? The thought gave Dan a shimmering feeling in his stomach. Abruptly, a palm landed firmly on his own knee so that his heart skipped a beat. Herbert stopped Dan’s tapping, perhaps more from annoyance than reassurance. Which is why Daniel held himself from placing his hand upon it in order to reach for that reassurance. They waited.

Just when the sunrays became more penetrative and the quiet deafening, a hum of the engines and rolling of wheels against the railway started approaching. A lump of breath got stuck in Dan’s throat again. He felt so much fear, doubt. And yet a warm affection radiated all through him, sourcing from West’s touch. The train suddenly reached point close enough to throw them into a cold shadow, stopping, screeching. They did not move for a while but Herbert was first then, taking his bag and coat casually. He was the first one to step in determinedly, laying his belongings into the first nearby seat. When Dan wasn’t following, he peeked out of the door, encouraging him non-verbally.

Dan slowly lifted his body from the bench, coat on the elbow and a bag over his shoulder. He was content too, this time, determined. Herbert’s eyes sparkled hopefully. He stopped right at the edge of platform. This time Herbert asked. “Are you getting in?” Impatiently, slightly annoyed.  They kept their eyes locked when Dan set foot on the stair, their faces inches apart. The whistle sounded, signaling momentary departure.

“No.” Dan replied softly, in almost perfectly neutral tone. Herbert’s lips parted slightly, unconsciously. His eyes glistered once again with something, different. Dan seized the opportunity to capture the disbelieving pursed lips in a loving, comforting kiss. Meanwhile, he slipped the tickets in Herbert’s back pocket. “Of course not.” He added as an obvious thing with a short soft laugh. Of course he couldn’t. It was nice to think so, for a while back there. But the reality took hold of him soon enough.

“Dan?” Closing the door, Dan jumped off the stairs, distancing himself a few steps behind. After just a few moments of looking into Herbert’s eyes through the window, Dan had to look aside, and he stayed that way until he heard the train leaving. When he looked back, the sun hit him back into his eyes. Bringing a hand up above his eyes, he looked at the empty railway. One more step back, he lowered himself on the steel bench. He let the sun devour him as he leaned his head back, sitting still. Enough toxicity, both hurt each other more than enough for one lifetime. Right now, Dan needed to survive.

As Herbert sat down at his seat he also took a moment to compose himself. He understood. It was not like he could entirely trust Dan again. He did help him escape, but he couldn’t be dragged down with him. Herbert had to respect it. All they did to each other, no matter how controversial it might have been, was done out of love. But Herbert knew little of love. All he could do is to trust Dan’s judgement.

When the ticket collector visited Herbert’s seat, he promptly remembered Dan slipping them into his pocket. Apparently, there had only ever been one ticket. Together with it, several fifty-dollar notes fell out of it, too. Herbert handed the ticket over, rushing the collector away grumpily. Herbert realized it would have been selfish. Daniel has been looking out for him, perhaps he’d always meant well. It was only right to let him go, live his life free of chaos. He would trust Dan. Only leaving was what he could do out of love.


End file.
